Posted Jan 14, 01:59 PM in Film by Scott Conley

Ok, so I am a Metacritic junkie, but last week, while at a spontaneous visit to Blockbuster next to a Great Clips, I was unable to access their reviews index, which is mammoth and generally right-on.

The Blockbuster was moving the usual crud out the door in the ‘Previously Viewed’ section, but I found a gem in the 2-for-12 rack: Million Dollar Baby. So, now I’m left with choosing among the remaining, pretty much awful titles in order to get the deal (_MDB_ alone would be $11). My attention settles on last year’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman.

Now if you know me and you’ve seen this film, then you already know the punchline to this story, but I tried to remember what I knew about it.

_“Oh, yes, it has this 6’5” dude dressed as an old lady on it. Wasn’t that Martin Lawrence in Big Momma? Wait, this was a different guy. New guy. I seem to remember people saying he’s hilarious. Stand-up comic, maybe.”_

The rough-and-tumble grandma character (“Madea”) was in fact prominently displayed on the cover, and I figure, “Well, I reckon we got ourselves another Nutty Professor here!” Which, albeit terribly scripted and marginally acted, still entertains the hell out of guys who appreciate politically-incorrect comedy (wait- I already said ‘guys’).

Well, I get home Friday and the wife can’t wait to put this film in. Seems she’s looked up the Metacritic score (36) and is tickled to death that I’m (for once) the guy bringing down our collection’s average. Further, the user comments are already suggesting I’m going to hate it, and this is even funnier to her.

It’s a Total Chick Flick™. Hard core. And awful, to boot. The ‘Mad Black Woman’ isn’t the dude-as-grandma Madea, but a young career-housewife suddenly turned out by her philandering attorney husband. The Madea personae is a sideline, apparently an ‘entertaining’ catalyst to the character arc of housewife Helen, who’s now trying to get her groove back. This she does, through a healthy dose of faith in The Lord, with a scattered amount of Misery thrown in. Sprinkle in the drug-addled sister-in-law story, paper-thin supporting roles, and a completely unexplainable attraction between Helen and Orlando, the kind-hearted, God-fearing steel worker, and you have 2+ hours of stab-your-male-eyes out. I found myself cherishing the rare on-screen moments featuring the philanderer’s Bentley and pointing out the odd presence of Tennessee and Ole’ Miss car decals (on Orlando’s truck and Helen’s second-hand Honda) in a story set in UGA and GT-crazed Atlanta.

I have to go now- the wife is actually hoping that Million Dollar Baby turns out to feature Hilary Swank as a boxer-turned mom who’s torn between keeping her child and selling it on the Guatemalan black market.

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